How to beat the heat until it calls you 'Daddy'

It's hot out there this summer.

Now I'm not talking kinda hot. I'm talking pack-of-lit-firecrackers-on-the-hood-of-a-black-car-being-driven-by-Marisa-Miller hot.

So what can you do to combat the rising temperatures? Well, you can take a cold shower or move to Greenland OR you can take one of my sure-fire tips for beating the heat.

Enjoy an Italian Ice.

Down your pants. Don't waste that chilly goodness by putting it in your mouth. We're trying to lower your core body temperature, not give you a blue tongue.

Ask your employer about their Slip 'n Slide Program.

Due to tough economic times many companies have dropped their 401(k) matching or pension programs. But don't despair. Ask your human resources department if your company is one of the forward-thinking few that participates in the Slip 'n Slide Program, a cost-effective way to boost office morale while quickly/sexily moving employees from the parking lot to the office.

Shoot LeBron in the knee.

Wait. Sorry. That only works if you're dealing with the capital "H" Heat. Forget I mentioned this one. Seriously. Van Gundy, don't get any ideas.

Drink lemonade.

This probably won't help all that much when it comes to lowering your temperature, but if you try mixing it with a little vodka, I can assure you your workday will go a LOT faster.

Use an umbrella.

Sure you'll look like an 87-year-old grandma, but who cares? Would you rather be like the fat guy in accounting who sweats through his jacket just getting on and off the elevator or the savvy cat who's never without portable shade? Swallow your pride and rock the parasol.

All Things Bryce
	It Beats Working
	Family Life
	15 Minutes with Bryce

Encourage your children to play outside.

"Wait. That doesn't make sense," you're probably saying. And you're right. Summertime heat can be dangerous for kids, especially if they aren't properly hydrated. But let's be honest: You don't want to get stuck watching "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" and "iCarly" do you? (NOTE: Let's all be cool and just pretend I had to Google those.)

So toss them a Gatorade and turn them loose. And tell them to grab you an Italian Ice while they're out.

Carry a beach chair around with you.

Intuition might tell you that lightening your load during hot summer days would be the way to go, but answer me this: Would you rather sit on stacked cases of beer in the convenience store's walk-in freezer or in your comfortable beach chair? Plus, that way you don't have to rip into your chair later when you're looking for a cold drink.

Wear more mesh.

Before you immediately dismiss this one, answer me this: What's more annoying, sweating through your pants and onto your cloth desk chair or being called Right Said Fred by your co-workers?

I'll take "I'm too sexy for this chair" for the win, Alex.

By following these handy tips on staying cool, you'll be the envy of all your friends. Or, at the very least, the laughing stock.

Bryce Donovan realizes the irony of a complete nerd giving tips on hot to be cool, but he doesn't care. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com. For more, check out his blog, "The Bryce is Write," or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/brycedonovan.